A Romantic Kinda Love
by MissFrodoBaggins
Summary: Johnny is in love with Suzie. At least, that's what Ponyboy thinks. There's something Johnny isn't telling Ponyboy. There's something he isn't telling a lot of people... SLASH. JohnnyXPonyboy! yum!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own the book **_**the Outsiders**_**. S.E. Hinton is the owner. I am only a fangirl who writes about her favorite characters. Please enjoy my fan fiction! This is written in 3****rd**** person, but revolves mainly around Johnny. **

_The sky was turning an orange color from the setting sun and Johnny, Dally, and Ponyboy sat on the curb smoking. Ponyboy and Johnny saw Dally and he told them there was something important he had to tell them._

"I heard," Dally said, taking a sip from his Coke. "… That there's gonna be another rumble soon."

"Gee, what happened?" Pony boy asked, excited.

Johnny groaned. "I'm so tired of rumbles and fighting and drama."

"This ain't drama, Johnny Cake, its business." Dally snapped. "Steve was hitting on some Soc girl and Ricky, her boyfriend, beat up Steve. Then Soda and I got in there and it was ugly…"

Johnny took a long drag of his cigarette. "Business…? Not where I come from."

Suddenly two Soc girls walked by. They were both blonde and really pretty. The taller one curled her lip when she saw Johnny, Pony, and Dally.

"What'cha lookin' at?" Dally asked.

"_You_, that's what," The tall girl said. The shorter girl hit her arm.

Dally stood up and stood closer to the tall Soc girl. "Sassy, huh?"

"Eww, get away from me with that," The girl said, referring to Dally's cigarette.

"…Little broads like you think you know everything about everything? Think you got a lotta brains?" Dally blew a puff of smoke in her face.

She hit him with her purse. "Back up, you animal. Come on, Jill."

The Soc girls walked away.

Dally laughed. "Me? An animal? Shoot!"

Ponyboy chuckled.

As the two girls got farther and farther, Jill got a small smile on her face. "Ya know, Laura, I kind of like those Greaser boys. They're so bad ass."

Laura gasped. "Jill!"

Jill just giggled .

Johnny and Ponyboy walked home alone. Apparently, Dally had some "important business" to deal with.

"I wonder how Dally is so…" Johnny said.

"So what?" Ponyboy asked.  
>"I dunno… He gets people to hate him and love him and fear him all at the same time."Johnny said.<p>

"Yea, I know." Ponyboy said. "Girls dig boys like Dally. Plus he's handsome."

"Yea," Johnny said.

A dark haired girl passed them. "Oh, hi Johhny Cade! Hi Ponyboy!"

"Hi, Suzie." Johnny said.

"…Hi…" Ponyboy said.

Suzie wasn't like most Greaser girls. She was really smart and nice, but she was really experienced and "mature" when it came to boys. It was almost like she was Soc on the inside, but Greaser on the outside.

"That Suzie girl sure is fine." Ponyboy said. "Right?"

"Yea," Johnny mumbled.

"What's wrong?" Ponyboy asked.

"Nuthin',"  
>Ponyboy stopped walking and leaned against a street lamp pole.<p>

"Tell me what's the matter, Johnny." Pony said.

"I'm in love." Johnny said.

"Who?"

"No one…"

"Aw, come on man!" Ponyboy said, insisting.

Johnny flipped his bangs. "Well, they go to school…"

"I don't suppose anyone does this time 'a year, it's July." Ponyboy pointed out.

"Forget it…" Johnny said.

Ponyboy grabbed Johnny's face. Johnny blushed. "Tell me her name at least."

Johnny moved his face away. "Why?"

"What is she? Read head? Blonde?"

"Dark hair. It's real long too." Johnny said.

"You're in love with Suzie aren't you? Suzanne Mitchell?"

Johnny shrugged. "Sure, I guess."

"You guess? I can tell it, Johnny. It ain't just cuz she got brains is it? It's her…" He pointed to her chest. Johnny blushed. "Boy, she sure is fine, huh? You should get close to her… Talk to her some."

"I don't know how to," Johnny said. "She thinks I like someone else. I can't believe that she can't tell I love her. Only Suzie…"

"Boy, you're getting all dreamy on me now." Ponyboy said. "You gotta show that you love her, Johnny. Be extra nice. Tell 'er she's pretty or something… I dunno, what do girls like?"

"Ask Soda. He's got tons of experience." Johnny said.

"No, you ask Soda." Pony said. "It's your situation."

"But… Isn't Suzie kind of _intimidating_? I mean for a girl, you know. She's real good at cussing and she's _mature_. If you know what I mean." Johnny said.

"Soc girls are way nicer and softer… Like roses. But Greaser girls are like black leather boots. They're tuff. Real tuff…" Pony said.

Johnny started walking with his head down and his hands in his pockets.

"How much do you love her?" Pony asked. He seemed to be fascinated by all this talk of love and romance. To him, it was just something you saw in books. He'd never experienced it himself. Johnny being in love seemed so personal.

"A lot." Johnny said. "She definitely has no idea."

"Do ya think she loves you back?" Pony asked.  
>"Probably; she'd never admit it though. There's something wrong with me, Pony. I'm not used to feeling this way." Johnny said.<p>

"Well I've never felt this way before. 'Don't think I love anyone. Just maybe all you guys. Darry and Soda and Dally… and you of course."

Johnny smiled.

"B-but not the same way with you and Suzie." Ponyboy said quickly. "Not… _romantic_ love…"

**Expect more from me soon! TTYL**

**Peace&Love, MissFrodoBaggins **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own the book **_**the Outsiders**_**. S.E. Hinton is the owner. I am only a fangirl who writes about her favorite characters. Please enjoy my fan fiction! This is written in 3****rd**** person, but revolves **_**mainly**_** around Johnny. **

_The movie theatre was really empty when Ponyboy and Johnny arrived. They got there early because they had nothing else to do. _

"This movie is boring." Johnny said.

Ponyboy didn't even hear him. He continued to stare blankly at the screen. Ponyboy was serious about his movies.

"Whatever," Johnny said.

Suddenly someone came into the theater. Johnny turned his head. It was Suzie. She saw Johnny and Pony immediately.

"Oh hi, Johnny Cade!" She said.

"Hey, Suzie."

"Can I join you?" She asked.

Johnny suddenly felt like he had to be a gentleman. "Sure."

He stood up while Suzie took her seat and sat down when she did.

"What was that?" Pony asked.

"I was just being a gentleman," Johnny said.

Ponyboy laughed. Then he looked at Suzie. She was smiling at the screen and eating her popcorn. He looked at Johnny. Then he smiled.

"Golly, I don't feel too well…" Ponyboy said in a phony voice.

"Really? Well what's the matter Ponyboy?" Suzie asked.

"I don't know… Maybe I'm allergic to… Um…" He looked at his Coke. "C-carbonated water… Yea, that's it… Blecch. Gotta go. Enjoy you two!" Ponyboy got up from his seat holding his stomach and fled the theatre.

"The jokester…" Johnny muttered.

"This is great," Suzie said. Her eyes sparkled as she took in the screen.

"Is it…?" Johnny hadn't really been paying attention.

"Yea, it's been ages since I've seen a movie…"

"Well don't you go on dates? You know, with boys?" Johnny asked.

Suzie looked at him. "My dates aren't usually like this…"

Johnny's ears turned red. "Oh."

Then she giggled.

"What?"

Suzie kept giggling and then she coughed.

Johnny quickly handed her his Coke. "Here, drink it. I didn't touch it."

Suzie took a sip. "Golly, I thought I was dying…"

There was a silence. The two of them broke out in laughter. An old lady in the front row hushed them. They laughed again. When the laughter subsided, Suzie said; "Thanks for the Coke, Johnny Cade."

"Sure," Johnny said.

"I've always liked you Johnny Cade." Suzie said, giving him her undivided attention. "You're real nice. You know how to treat a girl, ya know? Not like some of those other guys… You're pretty swell."

Johnny didn't know what to say. "Thanks, um… You're… Swell too."

Suzie blushed. "Gosh Johnny Cade, thanks. We should hang out more. What are you doing on Monday?"

"Nuthin'," Johnny said. "I'm never really doing anything."

"We should hang out on Monday. It would be fun… Oh and when I said I like you," Suzie said. "I meant like forreal. I really like you."

"I like you too, Suzie."

"Call me Suzanne. It makes me feel like a princess."

"…Suzanne…"

Johnny walked Suzie home after the movies. She talked his ear off the whole time, but Johnny didn't mind. Suzie was good company. She was good at having conversations with too. Johnny never knew any girls like Suzie. She was really assertive with her emotions.

Johnny and Suzie stopped in front of Suzie's house.

"I'll see you around, I guess." Johnny said.

"Yea, see ya Johnny Cade."

"See ya Suzanne."

They stared at each other for awhile. Suzie was actually really pretty in a natural way. She didn't wear makeup, but her eyes naturally popped and they were dark brown, almost black and full of wonder and curiosity. Her long dark hair was really shiny and bounced around her shoulders every time she moved. Suzie was kind of like a fairy.

"Oh, wait." Suzie said. "I didn't thank you properly for being such a gentleman."

Johnny felt the urge to run away, but Suzie took his wrist and leaned in to kiss him. In a moment of panic, Johnny turned his face so that her cherry red lips hit his cheek with a light smack. She held them there for a second.

Suzie pulled back. "Wow, its real dark out. I can hardly see you, you're so brown… Good night Johnny Cade. I'll catch you on Monday."

"Good night, Suzanne Mitchell." Johnny said.

Suzie walked up to her door. The porch light came on. Johnny ran down the street so he was out of sight just in case her father answered the door and saw him.

The next morning Ponyboy woke up slowly. He was dreaming that he was falling out of the sky and landed into an ocean. He was drowning now, and the dream was fading out slowly. He could feel Soda's strong arms around him. The warmth of being in bed with another person flooded his body and shook him out of his dream.

"Aww, look at my kid brother sleep." Soda said.

Ponyboy woke up to see the side of his brother's face. He was lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling. Something about him seemed melancholy. Pony turned over on his side and wrapped his arms around Soda's neck.

"Okay, okay, you can't be a Koala bear right now, I gotta make breakfast." Soda said, getting up.

Ponyboy moaned sleepily in protest, then gave up and hugged Soda's pillow. He wanted to sleep longer. He squeezed his eyes shut.

"Oh yea," Soda said. "Johnny crashed on the couch. Just so ya know."

Ponyboy opened one eye and saw Soda getting dressed. He closed his eyes again.

Ponyboy didn't realized how much time had passed when he opened his eyes again. The first thing he saw was Johnny's face.

"Hi there, sunshine," Ponyboy said groggily.

Johnny chuckled. Ponyboy sat up and leaned against his headboard. Johnny sat at the end of the bed and fiddled with the zipper on his jacket.

"You can thank me for last night," Pony said.

"Yea," Johnny said.

"What happened."  
>"'Figured out I can't kiss for nothing, that's what. Suzie tried to kiss me but I didn't wanna kiss her back. I don't have an idea of how to kiss like… On the mouth." Johnny blushed.<p>

"You haven't kissed anyone, huh?" Ponyboy asked.

"Nope." Johnny said.

Pony got out of the bed and walked to the bathroom. Johnny followed him.

Ponyboy unzipped his pants and Johnny turned away. "I haven't either."

"It doesn't seem natural to me." Johnny said. "…Like people only do it in movies."

Ponyboy flushed the toilet. Johnny moved out of the way so Pony could wash his hands.  
>"Well, what does it look like in movies?" Pony asked.<p>

"Slippery." Johnny said.

Pony opened his mouth to say something, but snapped it shut. He let the water run over his hands for a long time.

"Suzie is probably mad now." Johnny said.

"Why?"

"'Cause I made her kiss my cheek instead of my lips… We're still hanging out on Monday though."

"Monday? Try again on Monday."

The thought made Johnny feel sick to his stomach. There was a long silence. Johnny turned off the sink. Ponyboy rubbed some soap on his hands and turned the water back on, making a face at Johnny.

"What if she's mad?"

"Just try Johnny."

"But…"

"Just try!"

"She _did_ say I was swell. 'Said she really liked me."

"See?" Pony said.

"I just gotta show her that I love her… No matter how weird it gets." Johnny said. He stared intently at Ponyboy's face. Pony saw his stare in the mirror and looked back. He became distracted and let the water run again. He gave Johnny a pallid smile.

"I need to clear everything up." Johnny said.

"Yea, that's the spirit," Ponyboy said in a dull voice, looking at his hands. He turned off the water and dried his hands. "Hey, pass me a cancer stick, will ya?"

Johnny fished one out of his pocket. "Here."

**SOON TO BE CONTINUED! I'm just loving this so far. This is the kind of writing I just ADORE. Please comment, favorite, etc.**

**Peace&Love, MissFrodoBaggins**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own the book **_**the Outsiders**_**. S.E. Hinton is the owner. I am only a fangirl who writes about her favorite characters. Please enjoy my fan fiction! This is written in 3****rd**** person, but revolves **_**mainly**_** around Johnny. **

_Darry told Ponyboy not to go back to sleep. Pony couldn't help it though. He drifted away. Only a short time had passed when Ponyboy was awake again. The sunlight was beating down on him harshly, making it very hard for him to open his eyes._

Johnny opened the blinds in Pony's room. "Wake up, you." Johnny said.

Ponyboy groaned. "Johnny!"

Johnny just laughed. "I sat around reading _The Three Musketeers_ waiting for you to wake up."

"I could never finish that book," Pony said.

"Ha, I nearly did." Johnny said.

Pony smiled and sat up on his bed. He wasn't even under the covers.

"I think I'll go get the paper. Care to join me?" Ponyboy asked.

"I'll pass," Johnny said, holding up _The Three Musketeers_.

Ponyboy nodded and smiled. "Suit yourself."

Then he left the room.

Johnny stared at _The Three Musketeers_ in his hands. He was tempted to start reading it again. His mind drifted though. All he could think about was when Suzie tried to kiss him… Johnny imagined being a movie star and having to kiss someone in front of the camera… A real kiss… A _big, huge, glamorous _kiss…

Johnny stared at his hands.

"If only you knew how much I cared about you… Well I'm sure you know, it's just that… You don't seem think… Don't you see the way I look at you?" Johnny asked aloud. Suddenly he closed his eyes. "I wish I could kiss you now. I wish I could hold you close and feel your skin against mine."

He squeezed his eyes shut and kissed his hands.

Ponyboy opened the door. Johnny stopped kissing his hands instantly. His cheeks burned. "Oh, back so soon?"

Ponyboy stood in the doorway, dumfounded. "Wha—What?"

Johnny smiled.

Ponyboy howled with laughter. "Nice to see you're practicing!"

Johnny poked his lip out. "I still can't kiss."  
>Ponyboy was still laughing when he came and sat down on the bed next to Johnny.<p>

"I don't know what my problem is. Why would Suzie wanna kiss me anyhow?"

Pony stopped laughing. "Maybe you look experienced. Like her."

"Well do I?" Johnny asked.

Ponyboy closed one eye. "Yea, if you close one eye…" He closed the other. "And the other one…"

Johnny threw a pillow at his friend's head. "Aw, shut it, Pony!"

"Tell me about Suzie then. What's she like? Or should I say… _Suzanne_?" Ponyboy asked. He nudged Johnny's arm playfully.

"She's real nice." Johnny said.

"That's it? What's she like? Why do you love her?"

Johnny's heart throbbed with a sudden longing. "She seems to like me even though she sees how hopeless I am. She's only 14, but she's real mature and book smart and sensitive and… Well she's smart and friendly like a Soc girl 'cept

She's a Greaser. She seems to fit in with us Greasers real well anyway though. She's nice to everyone and most of all… She _likes _me. I know she does.

That attempted kiss wasn't just to thank me…. All the things she's done. Only one who seems to notice me… Like _really_ notice is me. She won't give other boys the time of day. Not any of them boys her age. 'Guess I'm it. 'Some reason though, I don't think she's ready to admit that _she loves_ me. Like _really_ loves me. Our love is hopeless though. It won't work out. _Ever._"

Pony boy was absorbed in Johnny's words. He was staring at the sheets on his bed. "Why not?"

"That's just the way it is these days, Pony." Johnny said

"I don't understand." Pony said.

Johnny didn't say anything for a while. Then he said: "There are two things I didn't tell you about Suzie yet. One, she likes watchin' the sunset. Two… She's…."

Ponyboy looked up at Johnny. "What?"

"Suzie's a boy."

Pony opened his mouth but no words came out.

Johnny stared into Pony's eyes intensely. He trusted his eyes to hold Pony in place as he slowly leaned in to his face. He took a pause when he got really close. The sound of their short breaths hovered in the air. Pony let a small amount of air escape his lips. Johnny's eyelids fluttered shut as he made contact with Ponyboy's lips.

He held his lips there. His heart nearly stopped beating. What now? He didn't know what to do. He was frozen. Ponyboy's eyes were open. Johnny closed his eyes back and slowly moved his lips back and forth over his friend's mouth.

A small smile broke out on Ponyboy's lips and he moved his head back and looked down instantly. His cheeks were a flaming red.

"I think I got it right this time," Johnny said. He wouldn't look at Ponyboy.

Ponyboy pushed Johnny's body back against the headboard. Johnny gasped.

Ponyboy straddled Johnny and their chests touched. Johnny could feel Ponyboy's chest moving rapidly against his. Ponyboy ran his hand down Johnny's neck and down his chest. Johnny's eyes rolled in the back of his head. Pony's hand slowly trailed back up to the middle of Johnny's stomach. They both held their breath for a moment.

Then Ponyboy punched Johnny hard in the stomach. Johnny let out a weird sound and moaned in pain. Ponyboy backed away from Johnny suddenly, realizing what he did. Johnny covered his face quickly. His eyes felt swollen with tears. His throat had a heavy lump in it. He tried to exhale calmly, and a short sob came out.

Pony stood up from the bed and stared at the sheets. He felt so dirty.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Pony asked. Though tears blurred his vision, his voice was steady.

Johnny let his sobs escape and continued to cover his face with shame.

"A-are you some kinda queer? You gotta disease?"

There was a heavy silence.

Ponyboy sat on the edge of the bed.

"I never thought you'd hit me…" Johnny said. He wiped his nose with the back of his arm. "You of all people… The one that I love best…. Not even my own Pa treats me right. Now you?"

Ponyboy got off the bed quickly and leaned against the wall closest to the door.

"Now don't you use that word, Johnny Cade…I-It ain't like that, it never was. You don't love me, you hooligan, you love Suzie." Pony said. "That's what you told me."

Johnny smacked the bed in sudden rage. "Now you know good and well I never did love that Suzie Mitchell, Ponyboy Curtis! You've known it too! I love _you_. I always have! Admit you have too! Just admit it, Pony!"

Tears streamed down Ponyboy's face. "Shut it."  
>"Admit it, Pony!"<p>

"SHUT IT, I said!"

Johnny sniffled. "Look at us, Ponyboy… A couple a' crybabies…"

Ponyboy chuckled. "Johnny?"

"Yea?"

"I'm awful sorry."

"Okay Ponyboy, okay."  
>"And if you're gonna kiss me…" Pony said, walking over to the bed. He sat down next to Johnny gingerly. "Kiss me like a man, Johnny. Not like some puppy dog."<p>

They chuckled nervously.

"I saw this movie…" Pony started. "They kissed…"  
>"Yea?" Johnny asked.<p>

"And their tongues went into each other's mouths…"

Pony leaned into Johnny's face. Johnny stared at Ponyboy's lips. Pony held Johnny's shoulder and kissed his mouth softly, their lips melting into each others'.

Pony slowly slid his tongue in over Johnny's tongue.

Johnny let out a small moan in the back of his throat. His hand rested cautiously on Ponyboy's fingertips. He slowly slid it over the rest of his hand. Johnny's fingers tingled and his neck tingled and his toes and feet tingle too.

Then Ponyboy slowly pulled away. He slipped his hand away from Johnny's and placed it in his lap nervously.

"You gotta teach me how to do that." Johnny said.  
>"This is dangerous." Ponyboy said.<p>

"But its fun isn't it?"

Ponyboy leaned in and kissed Johnny's mouth again. He savored the flavor on his lips. "Hmm… Yea,"

Johnny held Johnny's forearms and looked into Pony's open eyes.

"I love you."

"Oh, I know…" Ponyboy said. He tilted Johnny's head back slightly and kissed his neck slowly. His nosed brushed Johnny's soft white skin.

Johnny's eyes squeezed shut. "Ah, eh, that feels good."

"I just can't stop kissing you." Ponyboy said, kissing Johnny's lips again.

Johnny pulled away. "wait…"

"What?" Pony asked, slightly irritated.

"We gotta cut it out, Pony. What if Darry and Soda find out?"

Ponyboy's blood ran cold. "They'd probably skin us alive."

"Probably," Johnny said.

Ponyboy's eyes filled with tears. "I'm gonna die Johnny, I'm goin' straight to hell with the devil."

"Same for me, I guess."

"I guess." Ponyboy agreed.

"Well don't cry about it," Johnny said. "At least we'll be together."

"Don't talk like that, we're cold blooded sinners and you know it!" Pony said. "I don't know where you got it, but I have the homosexual disease and I got it after you kissed me."

"Well it's too late now," Johnny said. "I would've spread it one way or another."

Ponyboy was shaking. "God I'm so sorry. God, I love you please forgive me for I have sinned."

"You sound like a madman, Pony." Johnny muttered.

"No, no, Johnny. God's listening. He knows what a good person I am. This was a mistake."

"Ain't no one up there listening. We're just a couple of homosexual hoodlums that can't stop sinning." Johnny said.

"But God'll listen… Right?" Ponyboy asked, sounding really young.

Johnny just shrugged.

"Please God, let me sin again." Ponyboy said. He held Johnny's waist and kissed his mouth passionately. Johnny pulled back and let Pony kiss his neck. He moaned.

"Fuck… Stop it… S-stop… Cut it out, Pony." Johnny said. "We gotta fix this problem, not make it worse."

Ponyboy was red. "Yea… We gotta fix it."

Johnny leaned his head on Pony's shoulder. "Yea…"

**WHOOO that was awesome! I appreciate your support! You all are swell! This chapter is just the beginning of more and more epicnesssss!**

**Peace&Love, **

**-MissFrodoBaggins **


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own the book **_**the Outsiders**_**. S.E. Hinton is the owner. I am only a fangirl who writes about her favorite characters. Please enjoy my fan fiction! This is written in 3****rd**** person, but revolves **_**mainly**_** around Johnny.**

_The darkness seemed to pull all kinds of thoughts from inside. They made Ponyboy think things that he didn't want to remember… Things that hurt to remember. At the same time, these things made his stomach fill with butterflies. _

Ponyboy tried his best to keep his eyes open, but weariness was pulling him down. He didn't want to sleep. He was afraid he would dream of Johnny. He was afraid he'd wake up and suddenly Johnny would be in front of him, his dreamy dark eyes staring into Pony's. There would be no escape.

The thing about darkness was that it was so personal. Any word spoken into the dark would be snatched up and kept secret. No one would know.

"Johnny," Ponyboy whispered. Of course Johnny wasn't there to reply. His name was like a deep dark secret. It was like cursing in front of your parents without them hearing. No one would know.

Suddenly Pony heard the door open. He closed his eyes, pretending to be asleep.

"I know you're awake," Soda said.

Pony heard the sound of a zipper and shoes hitting the wooden floor. Before he knew it, Soda was lying in bed next to him with his arm around his shoulders.

"What's wrong?" Soda asked.

"Nothing." Pony said.

Soda didn't say anything back. Pony wanted to talk to someone. He wanted sympathy. So he spoke again.

"I'm sick."

"Is it contagious?" Soda asked. His arm on Ponyboy's shoulders was suddenly cautious.

"I'd have to give it to you. I wouldn't." Ponyboy said.

"You got that kissing disease? Who've you been kissing, Pony?"

Ponyboy blushed. He was thankful for the darkness. "No. And I haven't kissed anyone. It's a disease anyway."

"Don't worry." Soda said. "You don't have a disease?"

"How do you know?"

"Well, I know everything."

"Fibber,"

"Trust me, Ponyboy."

Ponyboy sighed. "Have you ever loved someone that you're not supposed to love?"

"Well if you love that person you're supposed to. That's just how it works." Soda said.

Ponyboy turned on his back so he was staring up at the ceiling. "No it's not. Some love is forbidden. Some love is what society doesn't want you to see."

Soda's chin was pressed to Ponyboy's arm. He moved some of his younger brother's long, dark hair out of his eyes. "You washed your hair."

"I felt dirty." Pony said.

"So who's the lucky girl?" Soda asked.

"There isn't any girl."

"Sure there is."

Ponyboy shook his head no.

"You look so sad."

Ponyboy closed his eyes. Soda moved in to Pony's cheek. The cold touch of his nose gave Pony the chills.

Pony moved away.

"Come here," Soda said.

"No."

Soda leaned over Pony and made kissy faces.

Pony turned away on his side.

Soda positioned himself on the other side of Ponyboy so that they were facing each other again.

Ponyboy let an unexpected giggle escape his lips. "Eww, get away."

He got off the bed and moved to the end of the room. Soda followed him. He tried to grab his younger brother's face, but Ponyboy dodged him. Before they knew it, they were chasing each other around the room. Ponyboy was laughing uncontrollably. His stomach throbbed and his eyes filled with tears.

Soda finally got Pony. He pushed him to the bed. Ponyboy tried to get up, but Soda held him down. They struggled, and finally, Soda pecked his brother on the cheek.

"I win!" Soda said.

Ponyboy gasped. He stared at Sodapop. "You're gonna catch it, Soda."

"That's nonsense, Ponyboy."

Pony got back under the covers and hid his head as well.

"Gee, I was just showing some brotherly love. Pony? You okay?" Sodapop asked.

He pulled the covers back from Ponyboy's head. He was crying.

"What the hell…?" Soda asked.

"It's not you." Pony said.

"What is it then? PMS?"

"What's PMS?"

"Never mind; what's the matter with you?"

"I gotta disease, Soda." Ponyboy admitted. "That's why I was feeling dirty, and I wasn't eating." He wiped his tears.

"What type of disease?" Soda asked, exasperated.

Fresh tears streamed down Pony's cheeks. "Oh God…" He turned away.

"You're scarin' me, Ponyboy."

"I… Think… It's the…. Homosexual disease…"

"You're fucking with me."

Ponyboy had never heard Soda curse like that before. He was worried.

"I'm not." Ponyboy admitted.

There was a cold silence in the air. Suddenly the entire room was unbearable. The mood went from sad to playful to… Just plain cold. Ponyboy was scared. He didn't know what to say or do. He was frozen. He didn't want to upset his brother, but he already had.

Ponyboy turned so that he could see his brother's back. Soda didn't move. His head was down, his hands in his lap. They were frozen. He looked dead. As if he'd been shot in his back and someone had kept him from falling to the ground. Pony wanted to touch his shoulder; to whisper his name. He wanted to lean on his shoulder, _something_ to make him move. Something to make him speak…

"If this is a game, I swear to God…" Soda muttered. His voice was raspy, not at all like his usual voice. It sounded like he'd been crying. All anyone ever did was cry…

"It's not." Ponyboy said. "I-it's not a joke. I'm sick. I thought maybe you'd—"

Soda cut him off. "There really is no cure. You know that right?"

Ponyboy didn't say anything for awhile. Neither of them did.

Then Ponyboy said: "Do you hate me?"

"It's not your fault." Soda said. "Where'd you get it from? I swear I'll kill him." Soda turned around and locked eyes with Ponyboy. Suddenly he looked like an old, malevolent man. His eyes were dark and his cheeks were gray. His usual youthful, godly glow was fading. "Was it one of them fruity Socs?"

"I can't—" Ponyboy started.

"Tell me."

"But I CAN'T."

"Then I can't help you."

"I don't need your help." Pony said bitterly. He immediately wanted to take it back.

"Whose side are you on?" Soda snapped.

Ponyboy shrank. "I'm confused. One part of me's saying yes, the other is saying no. Maybe I should just…"

"Just what?" Soda asked.

"Go to sleep." Pony improvised. He turned away from Soda and sank into his pillow. There was no movement on the other side of the bed. He was afraid he would have to sleep on the floor. He was afraid Soda would be disgusted by him. Pony felt cold without his brother's body. It made him feel safe. Now he felt exposed and naked.

Then Ponyboy felt a pair of warm arms wrap around him. He turned into Soda's chest and tried not to cry again. He snuggled his head against his brother's chest. There was an invisible field of protection around him, created by Soda's arms. He wondered what it would be like to lie down in Johnny Cade's arms.

"Soda?" Ponyboy whispered into the dark.

No reply.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own the book **_**the Outsiders**_**. S.E. Hinton is the owner. I am only a fangirl who writes about her favorite characters. Please enjoy my fan fiction! This is written in 3****rd**** person, but revolves **_**mainly**_** around Johnny.**

On Monday morning, Ponyboy found his reflection to be strangely interesting. His face looked different. Suddenly his face was different. Had he grown overnight? Maybe it was just what he talked about with Sodapop. Pony found himself wondering whether or not he was going to grease his hair back.

Darry appeared behind Ponyboy's reflection.  
>"If you stare back long enough, the mirror might tell you you're the fairest of them all." He didn't smile when he said it.<p>

"I'm making an important decision." Pony said.

"Am I disturbing you?" Darry asked.

"Yes." Ponyboy said.

The door knocked. Darry and Pony looked at each other's reflections. Soda had already answered the door.

"Hey, Johnny Cake." Soda said.

Ponyboy's insides knotted up. Darry went to the door to say hi to Johnny. Ponyboy closed his eyes. _If you pretend he's not here, maybe he'll disappear._

When Pony opened his eyes, Johnny was standing behind him in the mirror.

"Peek-a-boo." Johnny said.

Pony looked at his feet.

"Can we talk?" Johnny said in a low voice.

"We always talk." Pony said.

"But—"

"I'm sick, okay?"

"Your hair looks…" Johnny started.

"I'm not gonna grease it."

"Well why not?"

"Never mind, let's go outside."

Pony walked to the door and Johnny followed him.

"I'm going out." Ponyboy said to his older brothers.

"Bye," Darry said.

"Bye," Soda echoed.

Johnny and Ponyboy stepped outside the house and Ponyboy slowly closed the door, staring at the knob.

"Why aren't you gonna grease it?" Johnny asked. "You a Greaser, ain't you?"

"Darry dosen't grease it."

"That's 'cause he's Darry. Duh."

"You're so immature, dammit."

Johnny turned red. "I really wanna talk, can't we just… Please?"

Ponyboy looked away. He sat on the steps.  
>"Are you mad at me?" Johnny asked.<br>"Kind of," Pony replied.

"Can't I make it up to you?" Johnny asked.

Ponyboy was quiet. Then he said: "Talk to me."

"Let's take a walk." Johnny said.

Ponyboy and Johnny walked through the neighborhood in silence.

"Do you wanna do this or don't you?" Johnny asked.

"I do but I can't." Ponyboy said.

"Why not?"

"Well you know why not, Johnny Cade."

Johnny shrugged. "But…"

"I love you too." Ponyboy said, lowering his voice.

Johnny stopped walking. Ponyboy stopped too.

"Shoot, don't look at me with those eyes…" Ponyboy said.

"We have to go somewhere no one would find us." Johnny said.

"Like run away?" Pony asked.

"No," Johnny said. "Just so we could do this."  
>He leaned over and kissed Ponyboy on the cheek. Ponyboy closed his eyes briefly, taking in the moment. He blushed.<p>

"Watch it, someone might see us."

"Sorry," Johnny said.

"Well where should we go?" Pony asked.

"I found this place…" Johnny said. "It's like a deserted warehouse next to the school."

"What'll be our excuse to go to school during the summer?" Ponyboy asked.

"I don't know. W-we'll say we're at the library. That's real close to school." Johnny suggested.

"Yea," Ponyboy agreed. "How'll we get there?"

"The warehouse is a bad idea."

"It is."

"I just wanna escape to somewhere so I can hold your hand and kiss your face and… and touch your hair…" Johnny said, seeming intoxicated by his own words.

"You're sucha romantic." Pony said.

"You pull'd it outa me." Johnny said.

"I told Soda about my… Disease."

"Love isn't a disease," Johnny said.

The boys started walking again.  
>"You should write a book." Ponyboy said.<p>

"Hmm… I'll look into it…" Johnny said with a smile.

**That was a short one, but it was necessary! I hope you enjoyed! More 2 Come!**

**Peace&Love, **

**MissFrodoBaggins **


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own the book **_**the Outsiders**_**. S.E. Hinton is the owner. I am only a fangirl who writes about her favorite characters. Please enjoy my fan fiction! This is written in 3****rd**** person, but revolves **_**mainly**_** around Johnny.**

"Run!" Johnny cried.

He knew he wasn't fast enough. He knew those Soc boys would catch him in their car. He wasn't fast enough.

"Don't stop, Johnny!" Ponyboy called. He was way in front of him.

Johnny didn't stop running. His legs burned and his brain was filled with so many distracting thoughts.

Suddenly he tripped and fell onto the sidewalk. Almost at the same exact time his body hit the concrete, he heard a car screech to a stop beside him.

"God dammit," Johnny muttered.

He heard a car door slam.

"You thought you could out run us, huh?" Said a voice.

Johnny scrambled to his feet. He met eyes with a tall, icy blue eyed boy. The boy seemed to watch him curiously, daring him to run. Johnny ran.

"Hey, come back here!"

Johnny was being followed. "Pony!" He screamed.

Ponyboy turned around. Johnny fell again. No. He was tackled. The next thing he knew there were a bunch of Soc boys surrounding him.

One of them kicked him hard in the stomach. He groaned and clutched his stomach.

"Ha, just look at him squirm!"

"I know! The little bastard!"

They all laughed. Then the kicker kicked him again.

"That's what you get for hitting on my girl,"

Kick.

"He ain't even movin!"

Kick.

"Stupid Greaser."

Kick.

"White trash."

Kick.

"Son of a bitch."

Kick.

"Queer."

Kick.

_Ponyboy where the hell are you? _Johnny thought. His stomach felt queasy and bruised.

Kick.

"Fuck you all!" Johnny yelled. His voice sounded weak.

"S'cuse me?"

Someone grabbed him by the front of his shirt. It was the icy eyed boy. He held Johnny close to his face. The boy's breath smelled like bubble gum.

"Put me down," Johnny croaked.

Punch.

He put him down alright. Smack on the ground.

Johnny expected a kick. An insult maybe. But no one said anything. He wanted someone to. Just to be sure he wasn't dead.

Suddenly Johnny saw feet. It was just Ponyboy. He kneeled down beside him.

"Shit," He spat. He got on his knees and propped up Johnny's head on his lap.

"Where are they?"

"They left."

Ponyboy moved Johnny's hair away from his eyes. There was a cut under his eye and the corner was turning purple.

"Come on let's go." Ponyboy said. He stood up and held out his hand.

Johnny took it. For a minute he didn't want to let go, but then a car drove past and Johnny released his hand quickly.

Pony just stared at Johnny for a moment. Johnny looked back.

"Where were you?" Johnny asked.

"I…"

"What? I didn't catch that last part."

Ponyboy sighed. "Come on, we need to take care of your wounds. And we can't let any of the other boys see us. Okay? I don't want any more trouble."

"What the hell? Don't ignore my question!" Johnny cried.

"Johnny…"

"What?"

"Johnny… you know I…"

"You what? You what?"

"I didn't wanna risk any suspicions."

"Fuck suspicisons. Fuck it all."

"Shut your mouth."

"You care so much about your suspicions you forgot about me huh? Me with the real feelings?"

"I'm sorry."

Johnny crossed his arms. "Shut up."

"I'm sorry Johnny,"

Johnny just ran off.

Ponyboy walked into his house and it was really quiet. No one seemed to be home. Yet he heard the water running. He saw Johnny standing in the bathroom. He had the sink on. His hands were under the water.

"Hi," Pony said.  
>Johnny turned off the water. "Can you look at my stomach?"<p>

"Does that mean I'm forgiven?"

Johnny didn't say anything. He just handed Ponyboy a washcloth with ice inside of it.

"I don't think this will get past the rest of the guys," Johnny said.

Pony inched his way into the small bathroom.

"Yea?"

He slowly closed the door behind him with his foot.

"They're gonna see my black eye," Johnny said. He took his jacket off. It fell to the floor. Then he took off his shirt.

Pony looked at his face. He was afraid to see Johnny's stomach. It wasn't that bad. There were three big purple bruises on his stomach. Ponyboy slowly closed the space between them and touched the washcloth softly on one of Johnny's bruises. Johnny winced. Ponyboy put his head on Johnny's shoulder and touched his lips to his skin below his ear. He held them there.

"I'll be gentle," Ponyboy practically whispered.

"Do you really love me?" Johnny asked.

"Yes,"

"Then why weren't you there?"

"I already told you."

"Ponyboy…"

Ponyboy held Johnny's chin lightly and kissed his lips. Then he kissed his forehead, his left eye lid, and his nose.

"I know I love you," Johnny said. "More than anyone in this world."

"Really? Little old me?"

Johnny pulled Ponyboy's hand with the washcloth closer to his stomach so that the ice pressed against his skin.

He whimpered. "Ouch."

Pony pulled Johnny's hand up to his mouth and kissed it. He dropped his hand.

Johnny dropped the washcloth and held Pony's face. He just looked at him.

"What?" Pony asked.

"I've known you for longer than I can remember and now you're in my arms."

He held Pony's waist and dipped him back dramatically, then he kissed his mouth. Pony held onto Johnny's shoulders and laughed as their lips parted.

Then he slid down to the ground and pulled out a cigarette.

"Gotta light?"  
>Johnny lit Ponyboy's cigarette and then lit one of his own.<p>

"I just wanna run away," Johnny said.

"To where?"  
>"I dunno… Somewhere really far and empty. Not anywhere that's infested with hoods and gangs. I never asked for any of this shit, Pony."<p>

"Yeah,"

"We should go somewhere tonight." Johnny said.

"Run away?"  
>"No. We should just go somewhere… Somewhere dark and quiet… I want you to fuck me. Can't you? Can't you fuck me?"<p>

Pony was frozen. "But… Won't that…"

"You don't have to stick it in me."

"But…"

"Just stick it in your mouth."

"I don't even know how."

"I could teach you."

"How do _you_ know how, Johnny?"

"'Cause…" Johnny said. He paused to take a drag of his cigarette. "I did it before."

"With who?"

"It's a long story."

"I got time." Ponyboy said. Suddenly he felt like Johnny really was 16. He felt a lot younger than him.

"It was in 5th grade at school. In the bathroom. It was that day when everyone started that rumor saying I had a stomach virus because I wasn't in class during recess. You know, and then everyone avoided me for a week."

"Oh yea," Ponyboy said. "I was in 3rd grade, but we all had the same recess."

"So yea, anyway, I was in the bathroom because I didn't wanna go to recess. I was alone for a while, until this other boy walked in there. He was new. His name was Kevin Blair. I didn't want him to see that I was just standing around so I unzipped my pants. Kevin was just staring at my dick. So then he walked past me, still staring and stood by a stall. Then he said, "come here I have to show you something." I, for some reason, didn't think anything of it. I zipped my pants back up and went into the stall.

Kevin closed it and locked it. I felt kind of uncomfortable then. But then Kevin was just like "oh, I dropped something." So he bent down and pulled my pants down. I tried to pull them back up but Kevin begged me not to. He stood up and then took me in his hand and moved his hand up and down on it. At that point I felt really freaked because he was touching me, but I let him go… It felt good. And then I couldn't breathe and felt like I had to pee and Kevin stopped quickly. I touched my penis. It was hard. We just looked at each other for like 30 seconds.

"Can I leave?" I asked.

"Stay, please." Kevin said.

"But…" I protested.

Kevin put his hand over my mouth. "Please,"

I moved his hand away. "No."  
>Kevin kissed my cheek. In 5th grade that was considered amazing.<p>

I was really hot in the cheeks by then.

"You'll stay?"  
>"OK." I agreed. Silly me…<p>

So then Kevin got on his knees and kissed me in between my legs. It tickled. Then I felt a warm comforting sensation in between my legs. I looked down to see only Kevin's head. Soon the feeling was really nice, and I laughed. The laughter turned into a light moan. I didn't consider the fact that any male in the school could walk in and hear me. I kept moaning. I couldn't stop I kept hitting my back on the stall wall. Soon I felt like I had to pee again and I was afraid it would go into Kevin's mouth and he would be mad, but I didn't pee. It was over. Kevin stood up and spit into the toilet.

I stared at his spit. It looked weird. He flushed it down. We both stared.

"Thank you…" Kevin said.  
>"For what?" I asked.<p>

Kevin hugged me. He smelled good. I buried my nose into his chest. He was taller than me. Then he unlocked the bathroom stall and let the door swing wide open. He walked away. I sat alone in the bathroom for the next 10 minutes. I cried. I couldn't stop crying. I felt like I'd lost something… A sense of innocence... There were a lot of feelings balled up inside. I felt like I was in trouble; had I done something wrong? I couldn't describe the feelings. I just wanted to hit someone. I wanted to lie down in bed. My stomach felt queasy. But at the same time, I longed to kiss someone. A gentle, innocent kiss..."

Ponyboy could hardly look at Johnny.

"You were my first kiss." Johnny said.

Ponyboy held his hand.

"Fuck me, Ponyboy; because I love you. I really do. And you love me too."

"Okay. Tonight."

"You can put it in my butt if you want. I'm serious. You can."

"It would hurt you. I could never…"

"Alright."

"What if someone finds us?"

"They won't."

Soda was frozen at the bathroom door. He knocked.

Johnny jumped up and leaped into the shower.

"Yea?" Pony asked, messing up his hair and holding a towel to his face.

Soda opened the door. "I could have sworn I heard a second voice."  
>"What are you on?" Pony asked.<p>

Soda gave him a weird look. "I heard a second voice,"

"No, it's just me. So sorry…"

"Okay… Well, Darry wants to talk to you. I-Is Johnnycake here?"

"No…"

"I heard his voice."  
>"He ain't here, Soda."<p>

"Okay. Okay."

Soda left and closed the door behind him.

Johnny crept from behind the shower curtain. "That was scary as hell."

"I know, it was real close."

"How am I supposed to get out?" Johnny asked.

Ponyboy pointed to the window.

"Yea, okay. See you tonight… How's 12."

"12 is good."

Johnny was about to go over to the window, but he stopped and turned to kiss Ponyboy's mouth tenderly. "Remember I love you."  
>"I can't forget…"<p>

Johnny turned and stood on the toilet. He opened the window and climbed out.

Pony and Johnny thought no one could hear them; but Soda hadn't left his position beside the bathroom door. He went into the living room and sat down so Pony wouldn't be suspicious.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own the book **_**the Outsiders**_**. S.E. Hinton is the owner. I am only a fangirl who writes about her favorite characters. Please enjoy my fan fiction! This is written in 3****rd**** person, but revolves **_**mainly**_** around Ponyboy. (yea, I changed my mind)**

Midnight came quickly. Soda got really drunk and was crashed in bed and Darry was pretty exhausted too. At first he was watching TV but then he ended up crashing as well. He wasn't drunk though. Ponyboy put on his jacket and shoes and crept out of the house, closing the door gently beside him. Midnight was amazing. The best time of day… Or night; what was it exactly? Day…

Ponyboy had been outside on the porch for awhile, wondering where Johnny was. Suddenly he heard leaves cracking on the grass.

"Ponyboy, it's just me." It was Johnny.

"Come on, I'm paranoid, man." Pony said.

They ran down the sidewalk. They ran and ran. Ponyboy didn't know where to; they were just running. They came near the movie theater and went into an alley way.

"Not here." Ponyboy said.

"No," Johnny said. There was an old creepy warehouse behind the movie theatre. Pony couldn't remember ever seeing it open. Just how old was this place?

"L-let's go." Johnny said.

The door swung open. It was completely empty. Nothing in sight. The ceiling had a big gaping hole in the top though and you could see all the stars and everything.  
>"Well this is… Romantic…" Ponyboy said.<p>

"It's secret enough. No one comes in here I bet." Johnny said.

"I bet you're right."

The boys were standing in the middle of the room, smack under the hole in the ceiling. They found themselves looking up into the dark night at the same time, forgetting about anything else. The sky was amazing.

They looked down at the same time.

Ponyboy felt a tingly sensation in his fingers. He cupped Johnny's cheek in his hand. "You're beautiful."

Johnny stared into Pony's eyes. "I want to say somethin' but…"  
>"Don't,"<p>

They melted into each other. Johnny kissed Pony gently on the mouth.

"You're beautiful-er."

Pony ran his fingers through Johnny's hair. He took his jacket off and put it on the ground. Then he took off Johnny's jacket and moved his hands under his t-shirt. He touched his nipples lightly.

Johnny whimpered.

"Take your shirt off."

They found themselves on the dusty ground. Johnny straddled Ponyboy.

"Your arms are so sexy." Johnny said. He ground his crotch against Pony's. Ponyboy's breath caught in his throat.

He continued to grind; harder and faster. The longer he did it, the harder Ponyboy got. He felt hot.

"Do you like it?" Johnny asked.

"Uh-huh… Uh-huh—_Ohhh!_" Ponyboy cried.

"D-did you cum?" Johnny asked.

Ponyboy's eyes were closed. "No… I'm burning up though."

"You wanna?"

"…_Uh!_ Yea…"

Johnny slipped his hand into Ponyboy's pants and massaged him.

Pony swallowed. "Shit…"

His eyes squeezed tighter and he seemed to be holding his breath with his mouth open.

Johnny massaged faster.

"_Hmm_… Mm…Ahh!" Pony cried. His body rose and fell.

"Did you cum?"

He exhaled. "_Oh _yea," He was panting.

Johnny sat beside Ponyboy. They didn't say anything for a minute.

"I'm glad it was you," Ponyboy said.  
>Johnny smiled. "I love you."<br>"Love you too… I want to put you in my mouth, Johnny."

"I want to be in your mouth."'

Ponyboy pulled Johnny's pants off from under him and kissed his mouth passionately.

Johnny moaned. He bit Pony's lip and tugged. Ponyboy moved his lips to Johnny's neck, over his chest, and trailed his tongue down to Johnny's crotch.

"Uh… Fuck me, I'm ready." Johnny said. He already sounded on the verge of an orgasm.

Ponyboy pulled down Johnny's pants some more and lowered his mouth onto Johnny's already solid penis.

Johnny let out a long moan and bit his thumb to silence it.

"Oh… God you're good… I didn't even teach you… Fuck!"

Johnny's moaning was intense.

"Dammit I love you," Johnny said. "You're so fucking… Ahh… Good… Yes… Fuck I'm big… I'm big as hell… Ahhh! God! Ohhh…"

Johnny's cum dripped onto Ponyboys lips. Ponyboy wiped his mouth.

"Are you done?" Ponyboy asked.

"No," Johnny said, panting. "Take off your shirt."

"Why?" Pony asked.

"Just do it… And… And touch your chest."

"O…Okay…" Ponyboy took off his shirt.

Johnny took a deep breath and felt his crotch frantically. He whimpered like a child and moaned... "You're so fucking sexy, God dammit… Your nipples are so damn hard… Oh… Oh God…"

Ponyboy couldn't help but stare at Johnny's dick in his hand.

"It's… It's big." He muttered.

"Yes… Yes… It's so big… You naughty little boy… Oh… Oh… Fuck!"

Suddenly Johnny stopped and panted.

Pony couldn't stop staring at him.

Johnny put his underwear and his jeans back on. Then he stood up and wiped his hands on his jeans. He was quiet. Johnny put his shirt and his jacket back on and spit on the ground.

"What's wrong?" Ponyboy asked.

Johnny started crying. His tears fell to the ground. "What the hell, man?"

Pony put his hand on Johnny's shoulder. "Are you upset?"

"Yes, I'm fucking upset. Didn't you see what a dick I was?"  
>"I sure as hell saw your dick…"<br>"No, seriously Ponyboy."

Ponyboy touched Johnny's dark hair.

"Just kiss me and tell me everything's alright."

They kissed. It was a long kiss. Johnny's lips felt numb. Ponyboy slipped his tongue inside. Johnny's hands found Pony's face. He stroked his soft skin and felt the small velvet fuzz on his chin.

The kiss ended gradually. "Why would I have to tell you everything's alright, when everything's perfect?" Ponyboy asked.

Another tear fell down Johnny's cheek. "You're so damn cute… I… I was crude and… And it was amazing until I had to go and get all carried away."

"I didn't think so." Pony said. "I liked it. It was... It made me…" He seemed ashamed to say it.

"I feel like my childhood has been lost… It's been lost for a while… And that Kevin Blair took it away from me in 5th grade. I was 11… I want… I want…" Johnny stuttered. He sighed.

"What do you want?"

"I… I want you. Nothing else, just you; Can I have that?"

Ponyboy didn't know what to do. Johnny seemed so fragile and mature and sensitive… Yet he was intimidating because of his beauty. He was like a poisonous butterfly that had landed on Pony's finger and asked for his love. Johnny really seemed older at that moment.

Ponyboy decided to just take Johnny in his arms. "Of course… O-Of course you can. You already have me."


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own the book **_**the Outsiders**_**. S.E. Hinton is the owner. I am only a fangirl who writes about her favorite characters. Please enjoy my fan fiction! This is written in 3****rd**** person, but revolves **_**mainly**_** around Ponyboy. (Yea, I changed my mind)**

Johnny and Ponyboy walked back to Ponyboy's house. Ponyboy got up the front door and turned to look at Johnny. He looked sad.

"What's wrong, Johnny?" Ponyboy asked.

"I want to… I don't want to go home." Johnny said. "I wanna stay with you."

"Okay…" Ponyboy said. "…But what if…?"

"We have to be secretive, I know." Johnny said. "But it's all worth it."

He walked up the steps and stood closely to Ponyboy.

"I know," Ponyboy said. He chuckled. "We're so mushy."

Johnny put his hand on Ponyboy's shoulder. "Yea,  
>"Careful," Ponyboy said. "You know people like to hang around at night."<p>

Johnny slowly let go of Ponyboy. Ponyboy touched Johnny's fingers as they fell to his side.

"Let's be quiet, Soda's probably awake and wondering where I am." Ponyboy said.

"K," Johnny said, smiling. His eyes were still down. His dark eyelashes rested softly on his olive cheeks.

Inside every step they took seemed like a huge risk. It was really quiet.

Johnny sat down on the couch. "Goodnight," he said.

Ponyboy looked at him longingly. "I don't wanna leave you in here by yourself."

"You always did," Johnny said.

Ponyboy sat down next to Johnny and turned on the TV, but he didn't look at it. He faced Johnny. "This is so new," he whispered. "I don't want anyone to hear me when I'm kissin' you."

He leaned in and Johnny turned away.

"Don't kiss me."

"Why?"

"I feel like we're goin' behind everybody's back."

Ponyboy touched Johnny's cheek. "We got to though,"

Johnny looked down. His cheeks turned red. "You're so gentle,"

Ponyboy took Johnny's hands in his. A look of protest crossed Johnny's face.

"Don't worry, I'm being cautious…" Ponyboy said.

Johnny leaned into the other boy's neck and whispered; "Next time I… I might let you inside of me… If you wanna…"

"I wanna," Ponyboy whispered back.

They stared into each other's eyes for a long moment in silence.

"What would you do if Soda and Darry found out?" Johnny asked. "What would _we_ do?"

"Run probably," Pony said.

"Would you?"  
>"Yea, for you,"<p>

"You wouldn't leave them; you love them."

"Yea, but I love you too, darling."

Suddenly the lights flipped on.

Johnny and Ponyboy jumped back. Soda and Darry came into the room.

Darry turned the TV off. "Ponyboy Curtis, where the hell have you been?"

"O-out," Ponyboy said quickly.  
>"No, something's up. What's up?" Soda asked. He gave Ponyboy a look.<p>

Ponyboy looked away.

Darry was out of the loop, but he didn't know it.

"Tell us what's up," Darry said.

"There ain't nuthin' up," Ponyboy said. "Johnny just didn't wanna go home and I said he could stay here and we were talking about it. That's all."  
>"Don't lie," Soda said. He looked scared for some reason.<p>

"I'm not lying! What in the hell would I be lying about?"Pony said.

"Don't make me…" Soda started.

"No." Ponyboy said.

"God damn, Ponyboy, just go to bed." Darry said, exasperated. He walked away. "You too Soda both of ya'll just cool it. 'Night Johnny Cake,"

"Night," Johnny muttered nervously.

Everyone looked really surprised.

"You better be glad I didn't say anything," Soda said between his teeth. "Come on."

"'Night, Johnny," Ponyboy mumbled, getting off of the couch.

"'Night Ponyboy," Johnny said.

Ponyboy took off his shoes and his jacket as soon as he got into his room.

"Are you gonna tell me where you were?" Soda asked.

"I told you where I…"

"TELL ME." Soda nearly yelled.

Ponyboy flinched and sat on the edge of the bed. "Okay,"

"Where _were _you?"

Ponyboy took a long pause. He didn't know what to say.

"Oh God," Soda said. His voice sounded weird. He leaned against the wall and covered his face.

Ponyboy was frozen. He'd never seen Soda weak like this.

"Soda…" Ponyboy started.

"You're fucking him ain't you?" Soda said.

Ponyboy felt sick. It felt like there was a rock in his throat. His tongue was dry. He fumbled around in his pocket for a cigarette and grabbed his lighter off of the bed.

"Oh yea, just smoke your problems away, yea, that'll fix everything." Soda said. His hands left his face. His eyes were red. A tear rolled down his cheek. He wiped it angrily.

"I can't believe you!" Soda said.  
>"It ain't my fault, Sodapop." Pony said.<p>

"I don't even know what to do," Soda said. "What the hell am I supposed to do?"

Pony just shrugged and took a long drag of his cigarette.

"It was Johnny; it was Johnny and that's why you wouldn't tell me who gave you the disease." Soda said.

"He's just out the door you know," Ponyboy said, getting angry.

"I… I gotta find you a girlfriend or something… I…" Soda was pacing back and forth.

"No." Ponyboy said. "No, stop trying to fix things that aren't broken; I'm not some car, Sodapop. I love Johnny."

Soda stopped pacing. "Don't you talk like that!"

"I do!" Ponyboy cried, standing up. He went to the door. Soda nearly flew from the wall and grabbed his brother.

"Stop try'na run away! Let me help my kid brother!" Soda said.

"I don't want you to help me god damn it what about that don't you understand?" Pony cried.

Soda just looked at him. Ponyboy regretted what he said suddenly.

"I don't know what to do." Soda said. "I-I don't…"

Ponyboy couldn't stop staring at his brother. He was starting to see how fragile he was at this moment. He was starting to realize what was happening. He was a homosexual and Soda was left feeling like he needed to help, but he couldn't.

Soda left the room, breaking the tension.

Ponyboy got into bed and squeezed his eyes shut really tight, trying not to cry. Why should he cry? Soda was the one who was about to cry, right? Pony had yelled at Soda… Pony was a homosexual. This was Ponyboy's fault.

_My fault._ Ponyboy thought. _My fault. _

A second later Ponyboy's eyes opened slightly. He realized he'd fallen asleep. He heard sniffling. There was a warmth near his legs. He sat up slightly. Soda was lying on the other side of him as always, but his head was facing the opposite direction. He felt disconnected. They never slept that way.

Soda's face was kind of blurry in Ponyboy's vision because he just woke up and he was only slightly awake.

"Pony," Soda said.

Ponyboy rubbed his eyes again.

Out of nowhere Soda was holding Ponyboy tightly in his arms. He was crying.

"Oh God, I don't want you to go to hell, you're my kid brother I love you too much. Oh God, oh God, oh God…" Soda said.

Ponyboy felt like a doll in Soda's arms. He wasn't feeling that much emotion.

Soda held Ponyboy's face in his hands. "God, what are you, a vegetable or somethin?"

Ponyboy rolled his eyes when Soda moved his hair back and kissed his forehead.

"It's too early." Ponyboy said. He laid back down and closed his eyes. Soda was still beside him. He got back under the covers.

"I won't let shit happen to you, Pony. It's gonna be fine."

"Okay Soda, okay."

**Damn I'm sorry I've been gone so long. Glad to be back! Hope you guys didn't give up on me! I'm so grateful for all of you and I appreciate ALL of the reviews I get! **

**MissFrodoBaggins 3**


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